• Hope At It’s Smallest

    My pain has been harder and harder to function with lately. As a woman who lives with chronic illness and pain, I try to not spend much time thinking about how my illness will evolve over time, it doesn’t help me in the moment… and the handful of moments I do spend imagining the future has more to do with practicality, and making smart choices in the present. My bad pain days tend to roll into one another. I have various therapies that have been really helpful, but circumstances aren’t ideal at the moment. Resources are low. “At the moment” is generous, it’s a hope-door that I like to leave…

  • Sing a little louder

    I was in church this morning and a song was heavy on my heart. It wasn’t a song sung on the stage, it was whispered in my ear by the Holy Spirit. More on that in a moment. It’s been a while since I’ve posted my thoughts on my blog, rather than my Facebook page. Some of that is due to simplicity, some of that is because my Epilepsy + EDS were overwhelming to manage. It’s always a delicate balance, how do you put that into words without sounding absolutely fragile in the process? Honestly, you don’t. And I am fragile… but I don’t need bubble wrap, I need strength.…

  • A walk in my seizures

    Recently I had an asthma attack that melted into syncope. During that episode my oxygen dropped enough that I felt extremely light headed and I had a cluster of seizures. While I laid on the couch I wondered to myself “how would I describe this sensation? Like my usual seizures, I sometimes struggle to speak afterward. So I had a lot of quiet time to just -think-. In the months I have been aware of my seizures, I haven’t spent much time feeling afraid of them. They aren’t the hard part… feeling understood and misunderstood is the hard part. Because of this, I decided I want to share a glimpse inside…

  • Purpose: what’s the point?

    In January 2018 Jason and I sat down to coffee with a another couple… I was stoked. I wore my cute clothes and fixed my hair (I had a 6 month old, this was a big deal!) Upon sitting down with them and answering some ice breaking type questions where we were asked how we feel about our life… all of our vulnerability was met with “well, I want you to know that our life is a 10 out of 10, and your life could be a 10 also if you submit to the mentorship by such and such people, and do xyz. But first we need to see if…

  • Seize The Moment

    My good friends are rolling their eyes right now, because my article’s title is so sacrilegious. Yes, I know it is… keep reading.   I’m 29 years old. I was speaking with a friend this evening about my health, and my life up to this moment, and I told her, “It’s been a long 20s, I’m excited to turn 30 next years.” It’s been a long 20s, I’ve done so much in this decade, It feels like multiple lifetimes. I turned 20 on a furlough from mission work I was doing in Mexico. What you don’t know is that this furlough took place during the H1N1 epidemic that swept the…

  • Beginner Computer Use: Lift-the-flap Computers and Coding

    6 Years ago I fell head over heals for a guy who loves computers, and it’s all been gibberish ever since!– That is, until it came time to try and explain, to my girls, what their daddy does for a living. My husband is a Software Developer, he is one of the lucky ones who gets paid to do something he loves. And when he comes home from work, where he’s looked at 1s and 0s all day… he looks at more 1s and 0s, because he also owns his own company where he develops software. You can imagine, this is a hard job for our kids to tell their…

  • Dress-Up While Encouraging Reading: Princesses

      I don’t know about you, but as a parent I’ve often struggled to get my kids engaged with reading. My 5 year old is a recovering “Youtube addict,” which is a title I do not use lightly. We still have “relapses” from time to time, and it’s been well over a year since we instated the new rules: Only music on Youtube, no unwrapping videos, no mind-numbing videos. (The rule of thumb is, “are you listening to this, or are you watching this?”) This was a hard transition to make, though, so I needed to have some way to engage her during her withdrawals. I needed to be ready…

  • Indoor plants and Questions and Answers about The World

    Today my girls let me know that our thumbs were turning brown, our outdoor trees and plants that we have watered ALL YEAR long were fading, and they were out of work now, and needed a new chore. Well, they didn’t say this is quite so many words ;). The skinny is that they were bored, I’m not gonna set them free with a watering hose when we’re heading into NOVEMBER… so we had to get creative. A friend reminded me that we had some flower pots in my garage, painted by my oldest a year ago. This was genius. Indoor plants, why haven’t I thought of this until now!?…

  • It’s Not About Kavanaugh (Healing Isn’t Linear)

    There’s a very real part of me that is thankful so much discussion and awareness is being brought to sexual assault. Personally, I’ve spent all of my adult life peeling back layers of my experience with sexual assault. Finding the places where healing was still needed, finding the tools that helped me cope. I forgave my perpetrator a long time ago, but forgiveness doesn’t erase trauma. Trauma is a chemical in the brain, not just a thing that happened to you. Limbic memories are sometimes made during the Fight or Flight process, the limbic system is essentially an alarm system. My limbic system is still working on trust, even while…

  • Messy middle and public school

    I’ve felt a lot of “middle” this week. For those who don’t know, or are just tuning in, I am the lucky momma to a neurodivergent little girl named G. What this means for me is that most of our parenting is actually just like your parenting… we don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re willing to figure it out! (If you haven’t realized already, parenting is basically ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway: where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter’.) We enrolled G in public school while we explore what’s going on with my health, and we have been fortunate to have good experiences with her school staff…