• Purpose: what’s the point?

    In January 2018 Jason and I sat down to coffee with a another couple… I was stoked. I wore my cute clothes and fixed my hair (I had a 6 month old, this was a big deal!) Upon sitting down with them and answering some ice breaking type questions where we were asked how we feel about our life… all of our vulnerability was met with “well, I want you to know that our life is a 10 out of 10, and your life could be a 10 also if you submit to the mentorship by such and such people, and do xyz. But first we need to see if…

  • Seize The Moment

    My good friends are rolling their eyes right now, because my article’s title is so sacrilegious. Yes, I know it is… keep reading.   I’m 29 years old. I was speaking with a friend this evening about my health, and my life up to this moment, and I told her, “It’s been a long 20s, I’m excited to turn 30 next years.” It’s been a long 20s, I’ve done so much in this decade, It feels like multiple lifetimes. I turned 20 on a furlough from mission work I was doing in Mexico. What you don’t know is that this furlough took place during the H1N1 epidemic that swept the…

  • Messy middle and public school

    I’ve felt a lot of “middle” this week. For those who don’t know, or are just tuning in, I am the lucky momma to a neurodivergent little girl named G. What this means for me is that most of our parenting is actually just like your parenting… we don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re willing to figure it out! (If you haven’t realized already, parenting is basically ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway: where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter’.) We enrolled G in public school while we explore what’s going on with my health, and we have been fortunate to have good experiences with her school staff…

  • Skyscraper: To those with a few broken windows…

    A few years ago when I heard the song Sky Scraper (Demi Lovato) for the first time, I immediately saved it to a playlist of songs that make me feel powerful. This song isn’t an upbeat typical exercise song, but I’ve found that it’s very special. Whether you are in the midst of a difficult relapse, a flare, a deep depression, etc… it’s for you. The song opens with “Skies are crying, I am watching. Catching tear drops in my hands. Only silence has it’s endings, like we never had a chance. Do you have to make me feel like there’s nothing left of me?” In my darkest hours, my…

  • Message to my girls on my bad days

    Today is one of those days where I just don’t have it in me. What is “it” you ask? Motherhood. I cannot mom right now. Well, better phrased, I cannot live up to what I thought moms were supposed to be, right now. One of you gave the other a black eye this week… one of you is a lot better at dishing it out than taking it. I have emergency Lays chips in the cabinet… we’re currently trying to eat cleaner to reduce our frequent health issues, but we’re always just a meltdown away from handing you a Lays and eating Papa Murphy’s for dinner. Laundry… oh, laundry. Where…

  • Be all there

    This was taken on my walk through the Rose Gardens the other night. In my heart, I wasn’t just in a tucked away garden in the middle of Tulsa… I was as excited as if I were exploring the Redwood Forest, or walking through meadows in Yellow Stone, or on a hike through the Appalachians. Some of these places I have seen before, some I have not… I used say, “Someday when we can afford to go on adventures…” But I’m realizing how insignificant money truly is in the grand scheme of things. Money calls the shots so often… the only thing money cannot do is give me experiences. I…

  • Stronger Together

    I love how much support can be found in the chronic illness community. We all have bad days, sure… but I have never felt so capable. Just because my burden is too heavy to carry alone, doesn’t mean I’m unable to help others. In fact, I think we all can relate this: I picture it more like these shoulder-dollies. It’s hard to get a good grasp on our problems… it’s not that we aren’t strong, but maybe we were trying to lift a washer by ourselves, with just our arms. But we can only get so far like that. We ought to get help, so we can use our strength…

  • It’s time to change the dialogue around chronic illness

    I see you. You’re struggling, you put on a brave face, you are as active as your body will let you be. You don’t say much about your condition on platforms like social media, because everyone knows just enough about medicine to be dangerous (or at the very least, naively condescending.) “Have you tried___” “My aunt has ____, and she is fine.” “I bet if you just ____” “I’ve heard some people just have to eat XYZ.” “I can’t imagine, I could never give up ____” “You should look into ____, that sounds scary.” “Buck up, don’t dwell on the negative.” “Do you even want to be well?” “Psychosomatic.” Sound…

  • Trauma: when you feel like you’re falling

    Four years ago, during one of the hardest seasons of my life, I learned that I had PTSD. I think back to those days, that season, and remember vividly how cloaked my perception of life was. It’s truly the worst when you realize what is happening in your mind, and yet you feel helpless to make it stop. My PTSD stemmed from a childhood trauma, being on edge was my normal. But it was the birth of my first child that alerted me to the hyper-vigilance I lived with daily. Most women get an intense shakiness after delivering their babies, one of the reasons this happens is because of the…

  • I Use Labels

    As someone who combats chronic illness daily, you may not be surprised to hear that I get a lot of advice. I don’t just mean advice about how to manage it, or treat it… but advice around how to cope with it, or overcome it. I don’t think these are individuals who are unfamiliar with hurt or pain, but I do believe they misjudge me. You see, I actively embrace labels and diagnoses, because I believe that knowledge is power… 1. Knowledge helps me be proactive, to take good care of my vessel. The way I see it, it helps me care for the body God gave me. I can…