Authenticity,  Chronic Illness,  Community,  Emotional Intelligence,  Health,  Mental Health,  Motherhood,  Self Awareness

Message to my girls on my bad days

Today is one of those days where I just don’t have it in me. What is “it” you ask? Motherhood. I cannot mom right now. Well, better phrased, I cannot live up to what I thought moms were supposed to be, right now.

One of you gave the other a black eye this week… one of you is a lot better at dishing it out than taking it. I have emergency Lays chips in the cabinet… we’re currently trying to eat cleaner to reduce our frequent health issues, but we’re always just a meltdown away from handing you a Lays and eating Papa Murphy’s for dinner.

Laundry… oh, laundry. Where the heck are my shorts? I washed all of the clothes, I know I did. So your mom is wearing sweat pants to the store in 90 degree heat, looking for shorts on sale, you guys don’t have shoes on. Why would I think about that?! Ohh, and I forgot the baby’s bottle, so we’re on the clock.

I just pulled you all away from the dollar section, kicking and screaming, because I just realized the wallet is still in the car, and you think I’m trying to trick you.

Daddy is working late, which happens a lot and usually we somehow manage to make this work… but not today. Today is loud. Today is sensitive. Today is a flair day. Today had hurt feelings. Today crashes and burned *insert what kind of bad day it was*

Today, I’m full of anxiety. Maybe it’s because my mind is overworked. Maybe it’s because I deal with illness and overdid it today. Does it matter? This anxiety attack is building and it needs deflated before I handle more kids.

More than anything I hope you know that I might have my back resting against my bedroom door right now, while you bang your fists on the other side… and it stresses me out on many levels. I cannot be the safe places I want to be right now, because sometimes mommies need safe places too. I promise you this, I’m not going anywhere. We’ve been through too much together, it would take too much effort to break in new kids. I love you, I like you; deep breaths and huggles are just around the corner. We’ll rest and start again tomorrow. This is Motherhood… the real kind.

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