Christianity,  Chronic Illness,  Emotional Intelligence,  Health,  Motherhood,  Self Awareness

Reia

I felt a stir inside when we learned you were coming, an anxiousness that I struggled to name. I was quick to notice the hormonal and emotional changes I was going through, but even my mind’s eye can see there was more going on.

Darkness.

Back then we lived in our Dark House, not only did this home have only 4 windows in the entire house, I could tell in my spirit, from the day we first walked through it, that this house was dark spiritually… but how do you tell your new husband, and new in laws, that this beautiful house they want you to buy is evil? It felt silly.

So we bought it. We brought your big sister home from the hospital to this house. We celebrated a few anniversaries in this house. We remodeled this house. We had two dogs in this house… but I never felt affection for it. So as we went through your pregnancy, I remember feeling like I was constantly combating the darkness. I meditated on the song Oceans during your pregnancy. It was oddly comforting… we couldn’t afford to move, so I didn’t spend too much time focusing on escaping the Dark House, but to “keep my eyes above” it. God revealed a lot to me during this season… I was ready for something big.

When you arrived, born in our Dark House, which I chose on purpose, our home felt more open and light than ever before. You were sunshine in the Dark House. It wasn’t long before that peace eluded us, your health was complicated.

From the very beginning, when you swallowed fluid during delivery, so you coughed up amniotic fluid and blood for a few days… to having hives on your third day of life. Your body never knew rest, and still rarely does.

Your life in our Dark House. It took me a while to see it for what it really was, you were under spiritual attack. It wasn’t until we found medications to relieve your physical symptoms, that you began having night terrors, disturbing your rest and mine, multiple times a night, for months. We experimented with adjusting and stopping your medications, but the night terrors wouldn’t stop.

There was one night where I put you to bed and you fell right to sleep. Within 15 minutes you were screaming in your sleep, thrashing and moaning as I spoke to you. You were so tired, but these night terrors were relentless and came on fast. This night I scooped you up and held you close as I sang your song, “Home” by Phillip Phillips (a song I chose while pregnant with you). A spiritual aha hit me, “don’t pay no mind to these demons, they fill you with fear… trouble it might drag you down, if you get lost you can always be found…” Right then and there I began saying “In the name of Jesus, get out of my house,” and “In the name of Jesus leave my daughter alone.” It persisted for about 30 minutes before you relaxed and I sobbed.

This became my approach every night that you had a night terror. I felt some strong spiritual combat during these long nights. One night, in particular, I went to your room and spoke to the demons (I realize how abnormal this sounds, but it’s truth) and I could feel the walls closing in on us. I scooped you up, and brought you to my bed. I didn’t want to disturb Jason, so at first I just spoke in my mind. I felt your small body whimper, unable to relax. You knew I had you, but you couldn’t relax. Gradually whispering out loud, I continued repeating “In Jesus name, leave my house. Leave my daughter alone.” All of a sudden, I could see something sinister in a far corner of our home, it was black with red eyes. It was as though my spirit had searched every nook and cranny until I found it, now I was standing toe to toe with it. I stood there and said “In Jesus name, get out of our home and leave my daughter alone.” Right then it dissipated and my Dark House relaxed. I looked over at you as your body relaxed and you took a deep breath. I knew right then and there that you were pure from the moment you were conceived and Darkness had been coming after you ever since.

Fast forward, we moved homes to our Light House. Seriously, so many windows. Before we even unpacked I had close friends come over and pray over our house. At the time of writing this, it has been nearly a year in the Light House, and you have only had two night terrors. Each time I have prayed over you and sung empowering songs. My song of the year is Won The War, by Life.Church Music, this song makes me feel calm while fighting off the darkness that tries to get to you.

“The battle rages, but you have won the war. You see my sin, still you would call me yours. And there is no fear now that you haven’t conquered. And all those demons, they run at your command… all of my shame falls away in your hands. And there is no darkness where you don’t shine brighter.”

Won The War – YouTube

Oh dear Reia… my middle child, my spirit animal. You are light. God is going to use you for some incredibly powerful stuff in your lifetime. I will fight for you as long as I have breath. On my knees, or toe to toe with the darkness. I am nothing compared to your Heavenly Father who fights for you without ceasing. Someday you will know what it means to stand in the darkness and shine your light… I pray I can be an example of that. Do not be afraid, you’re not alone. I’m in the thick with you.

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