• Messy middle and public school

    I’ve felt a lot of “middle” this week. For those who don’t know, or are just tuning in, I am the lucky momma to a neurodivergent little girl named G. What this means for me is that most of our parenting is actually just like your parenting… we don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re willing to figure it out! (If you haven’t realized already, parenting is basically ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway: where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter’.) We enrolled G in public school while we explore what’s going on with my health, and we have been fortunate to have good experiences with her school staff…

  • Raising Autism: celebrating out of the box Being.

    I have been a parent for 5 years to a beautiful girl named G. With each additional sibling, we would adjust and maneuver our way into a new normal. It would hurt like hell, but it was OURS and we fought for that beautifully complex normal. When my oldest was 2 I began to suspect she was “different.” I don’t use that word lightly; I have worked with children since I was a child myself… I had seen this before, but in my naivety I assumed it was a nurture problem, not a nature problem. My oldest daughter was an amazing baby— as long as we kept her routine. I…

  • Message to my girls on my bad days

    Today is one of those days where I just don’t have it in me. What is “it” you ask? Motherhood. I cannot mom right now. Well, better phrased, I cannot live up to what I thought moms were supposed to be, right now. One of you gave the other a black eye this week… one of you is a lot better at dishing it out than taking it. I have emergency Lays chips in the cabinet… we’re currently trying to eat cleaner to reduce our frequent health issues, but we’re always just a meltdown away from handing you a Lays and eating Papa Murphy’s for dinner. Laundry… oh, laundry. Where…

  • Be all there

    This was taken on my walk through the Rose Gardens the other night. In my heart, I wasn’t just in a tucked away garden in the middle of Tulsa… I was as excited as if I were exploring the Redwood Forest, or walking through meadows in Yellow Stone, or on a hike through the Appalachians. Some of these places I have seen before, some I have not… I used say, “Someday when we can afford to go on adventures…” But I’m realizing how insignificant money truly is in the grand scheme of things. Money calls the shots so often… the only thing money cannot do is give me experiences. I…

  • The Bravery It Takes To Ask For Help When You Have Depression

    It was somewhere between bouncing a screaming baby and medicating my bleeding, cracked nipples that I knew I didn’t see the silver lining anymore. This wasn’t sustainable, I was pale, sleep deprived, so hungry I wasn’t hungry anymore, and this wasn’t the romantic fourth trimester I envisioned. I knew it was hard, but surely what I was feeling inside was not universal. The anxiety and nausea that overcame me every time I nursed our daughter, the sleep safety rules made me feel like our little bundle of joy was more of a suicidal time-bomb, I felt absolutely paranoid. Didn’t she know that I couldn’t sleep with her on my chest?…