• Message to my girls on my bad days

    Today is one of those days where I just don’t have it in me. What is “it” you ask? Motherhood. I cannot mom right now. Well, better phrased, I cannot live up to what I thought moms were supposed to be, right now. One of you gave the other a black eye this week… one of you is a lot better at dishing it out than taking it. I have emergency Lays chips in the cabinet… we’re currently trying to eat cleaner to reduce our frequent health issues, but we’re always just a meltdown away from handing you a Lays and eating Papa Murphy’s for dinner. Laundry… oh, laundry. Where…

  • Be all there

    This was taken on my walk through the Rose Gardens the other night. In my heart, I wasn’t just in a tucked away garden in the middle of Tulsa… I was as excited as if I were exploring the Redwood Forest, or walking through meadows in Yellow Stone, or on a hike through the Appalachians. Some of these places I have seen before, some I have not… I used say, “Someday when we can afford to go on adventures…” But I’m realizing how insignificant money truly is in the grand scheme of things. Money calls the shots so often… the only thing money cannot do is give me experiences. I…

  • The Bravery It Takes To Ask For Help When You Have Depression

    It was somewhere between bouncing a screaming baby and medicating my bleeding, cracked nipples that I knew I didn’t see the silver lining anymore. This wasn’t sustainable, I was pale, sleep deprived, so hungry I wasn’t hungry anymore, and this wasn’t the romantic fourth trimester I envisioned. I knew it was hard, but surely what I was feeling inside was not universal. The anxiety and nausea that overcame me every time I nursed our daughter, the sleep safety rules made me feel like our little bundle of joy was more of a suicidal time-bomb, I felt absolutely paranoid. Didn’t she know that I couldn’t sleep with her on my chest?…